


The Thoughts Your Actions Entertain

by peacock_butterfly



Series: A Real Hero [2]
Category: Zombies Run!
Genre: Contains drunk runners, Ethics in the Zombie Apocalypse, Gen, Gender-Neutral Runner Five, Season 1, Side Mission, Whiskey - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-06-15 14:37:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15415170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peacock_butterfly/pseuds/peacock_butterfly
Summary: Minor spoilers for S1-M18 / M20. I fudged the timing slightly to let them carry on talking, they were on a roll.A bottle of whiskey has made its way to the rec room: a rather drunk Runner Ten waxes philosophical with Runner Four, while Five, Six, Twelve and Three play Twister, but party games are no match for ethics, and soon Runner Six has bigger fish to fry.Very inspired by the early S2 discussion on rofflenet, thanks guys. <3“All I’m saying,” continues Ten after a pause, with an embarrassed half-laugh, “er, is that we have a duty to be the best versions of ourselves that we can be. And… and it’s not hard, it’s just… sometimes… we lose sight of why it matters.”Runner Six glances up at Five again. “But what if… what if we have to do a bad thing, an… unvirtuous, is that a word? Trick someone or lie to someone… in order to do good, or… so that we don’t die?”





	The Thoughts Your Actions Entertain

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [“Burgs”](https://youtu.be/I4gsc0Iqt28) by Mt. Wolf. Some text is directly quoted from Guy Burgs’ recordings as heard in the song, some text is paraphrased - no plagiarism intended.
> 
> Formerly titled "Zombies, Philosophise!"

“It’s like we’ve gone right back to the beginning, y’know?” Runner Four pauses to take another sip from the whiskey. “Thousands of years. Right back to when humans first started out, trying to… work all of this out. How to survive, but  _ better _ . And after all that progress… cars and planes, and the internet, and horror movies because real life was too safe, and cloning sheep and organ transplants… All them discoveries about dinosaurs, and other planets, and quantum mechanics… All of that, and now we’re back to eating nettles in tents with weird predator things prowling around outside our settlement. It’s pretty miserable isn’t it.”

“Oh I don’t know.”

“Ch-ris, you mean you  _ aren’t  _ miserable?” Four nudges him with her elbow, a little harder than she intends. “No offence, but that’s a  _ bit _ hard to believe.”

Runner Ten rolls with her nudge and smiles, rescuing the bottle. “I didn’t say that. Of course I am.” He takes another drink. “It’s just… mmm… it’s just that… fundamentally, it’s  _ not _ all that miserable. Life I mean. In fact I think some things have actually got… well. They’ve got a lot better.”

Four stares at him. “Are you serious? What’s better about all of  _ this _ ?”

“Perhaps I’m exaggerating… But not having access to certain things makes you more aware of other things, of what you do have. What’s really important. Er...”

Both become distracted by a burst of laughter from the rest of the party, who are playing a battered game of Twister. Runner Three has just managed to insinuate himself through the legs of Runners Five and Twelve, and Six is lying on her stomach trying to judge if Three is cheating with his left hand. Seven is sitting on the floor beside them, rubbing Bonnie’s tummy and trying not to laugh.

“Maybe not better,” Ten corrects himself, staring absently at the tangle of limbs. Four snorts a laugh and takes the bottle back from him with no protest. “Not better exactly, but… simpler. It doesn’t take that much to make the deepest part of us… incredibly happy. Before the apocalypse it was all so… so  _ messy _ . It’s not like we were doing lots of wrong things, on average, but it was all so… inordinately  _ complicated _ . Our minds were so messy. Life was messy… and it was completely unnecessary. And… I can see that now. I mean I had sort of sensed it before all of this, I felt a kind of vague frustration with the way the world worked, but now it’s… it’s really clear. How much all of that was  _ completely _ superfluous.” 

“Like financial analysis?”

“Yes– well, no, I mean. Yes. But you were growing plants, and looking out for your neighbours, and doing all sorts of worthwhile,  _ good _ things. It’s not your fault you had to do something to earn money to survive in the complex, overly complicated world that had been created around you.”

“Actually that does make me feel a bit better.”

“But now, now you don’t even have to do that. You can just be…  _ good _ . Be yourself. Be true to yourself but keep your focus beyond yourself.”

“How’d you mean? Beyond myself?”

The Twister game has collapsed, and Runner Five has crawled out of the tangle. They come over on their hands and knees and flop on their side in front of Ten and Four, propping their head up on one hand, still grinning and flushed from the game. Four offers the bottle but Five refuses gently.

Ten continues, “We can’t be… selfish. If you let go of the ego, really let go, there’s not this black hole that everything disappears into. There is a place inside all of us where everything is… all right. It is all right! And I insist on that point partially in an attempt to remind myself. Everyone has days when it’s worse than others, of course, we’re all just a… this… marvellous, fizzing combination of chemicals, of molecules, which are more or less imbalanced depending on a thousand different factors, part of which we can control and part of which we can’t. So some days will be worse than others and that’s normal, that’s okay.”

Five sits up slowly, their expression sobering into concentrated interest.

“But it takes… mindfulness,” says Ten slowly. “Mindfulness and virtue. To come to… a life that is… not only valuable but worthwhile. I think once you… remember to remember how fragile everything is, yourself, you… because, the world is  _ creaking _ under the weight of this abhorrent… mass of ruined humanity, and… Doesn’t that make it more important to… feel alive? Not just to  _ be _ alive, but to  _ feel _ it, to be in touch with your heart? I mean just  _ breathing _ is a victory in the zombie apocalypse, but we can be… more than that. We’re human. That’s what we do. We are  _ more _ .”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say so many words in a row, Chris,” jokes Runner Three, “are you all right?” But he’s intrigued, and sits down next to Five. By way of explanation, Runner Four jiggles the bottle at him. Three takes this as an invitation and stretches to snag it from her hand. Six also appears, takes a seat on the floor on Five’s other side, and drops her head onto Five’s shoulder companionably. Five pulls on her shoulders and encourages Six to lie down with her head resting on their bent leg. Six makes a little noise and settles down.

“That’s what I mean,” says Ten, pointing at Five and Six. “That’s it. Being outside ourselves. Care about those that are around you, look out for their welfare while you’re looking out for your own... and that’s it. That’s it! That’s all you need. Sustenance, and shelter and companionship. Being  _ good _ to one another. Why can’t people do that? Even now– especially now? It’s all so simple, it’s really  _ simple _ .”

“I can think of a lot of reasons,” says Six sleepily. “Fear. Pain. Hunger.”

“Sex,” puts in Three.

“Or lack of,” returns Six.

“But none of those things are unique to being human, they’re just about being alive!” replies Ten, agitated. “We have a responsibility to be more than that. And we can see outside the fences what happens when we don’t. Sure some people survive by stealing, and and killing, and cheating and lying, but for human survival to be worth something it has to be…  _ virtuous _ .”

Five shifts uncomfortably. Ten sees this, and knows why, and adds, “I think. That might be the wrong word. Er.”

“What is virtue, then?” asks Three. “What makes  _ Jody _ a good person?”

“Oi, you! You pick on someone your own size!”

“Are you thinking about the headset?” asks Six gently, looking up.

Five nods.

“And why bother anyway?” Three is saying. “What’s the point?”

“Because it’s the only thing we have left!” explodes Ten. 

By this point Seven has joined them all sitting on the floor. Bonnie flops down between him and Six and puts her head on the floor. Twelve has disappeared. Twelve does that sometimes. Privately, Four is amazed Twelve got involved in playing Twister at all. This is a small victory, enough not to be mad at her for leaving. They still haven’t managed to get Eugene to play, despite Jack’s mischievous insistence that he’d be really good at it.

“Because it’s the only thing we have left, that is… really ours,” repeats Ten intensely, so involved in what he is saying that the bickering stops. Everyone is listening to him, but he’s had enough whiskey to be entirely un-self conscious about it. “If we let ourselves go, if we behave selfishly and badly, we’re… betraying everything that happened before us, generations of other people… Everything humanity had been, and was. And… and yes it was flawed, and it was… it was a problem, and it was untenable, but fundamentally… there was  _ good _ . We have survived this, so far. We have a responsibility towards those that… those that didn’t. We owe it to them, to be the best we can be, so that they… their lives weren’t…”

Runner Four takes his hand.

“All I’m saying,” continues Ten after a pause, with an embarrassed half-laugh, “er, is that we have a duty to be the best versions of ourselves that we can be. And… and it’s not hard, it’s just… sometimes… we lose sight of why it matters.”

Runner Six glances up at Five again. “But what if… what if we have to do a bad thing, an… unvirtuous, is that a word? Trick someone or lie to someone… in order to do good, or… so that we don’t die?”

“These are hard times,” puts in Seven. “With hard rules. We can’t count on everyone thinking as generously as you, Chris.”

“I know. I know that. But. I think that sort of thing, Maggie... There are… too many variables, too many different conditions. Human beings are unpredictable to start with, even before they become traumatised and er… upset or grieving.”

Three grapples with this. “So you’re saying, that if someone does something terrible but they’re not thinking straight because of being upset or something… that that’s okay?”

“Oh no, of course it isn’t. A bad thing is still a bad thing. But it’s how you behave afterwards that is  _ more _ important, I would say.”

“Is this about New Canton?” blurts Four.

“Er! Not exactly,” hedges Ten. “Not specifically. It applies anywhere, to anyone. The point is,” he rallies, “to try the best you can to be mindful and virtuous.”

“What if you can’t?” presses Six. “What if it’s out of your control?”

“It’s never as out of control as you think it might be. You mustn’t underestimate all the little actions that add up to big moments.”

“That’s true,” adds Seven. “It’s like running.”

“ _ Everything _ is like running to you,” groans Three, and flops onto his back.

“Like everything isn’t about working out to you,” snipes Four.

“Not true!” Three raises his head. “I do think about other things.”

“I mean apart from fu–”

“It’s like running,” repeats Seven deliberately. “One foot in front of the other. Over and over. Little actions. All adding up. Miles and miles later you’re damned if you can remember every single step you took, but here you are.”

“But you decide on the direction you run,” Six returns. “You’re taking little steps in a  _ direction _ . What if… look, don’t anyone take this the wrong way, okay, but what if you’re not in control of the direction? Even if you trust the people who did make that decision, trust them with your lives… does that absolve you of their choices?”

“No,” says Ten. “Of course not.”

Three adds, “That would be like blaming a gun for firing bullets.”

“Yeah but what if you  _ are _ the gun?”

“We are not weapons, that’s what I’ve been trying to say! We are–”

“Yes, yes all right,” Six says soothingly, realising too late she has hit a nerve. “Sorry Ten, that’s not what I meant, I said it wrong.”

“What  _ are _ you trying to say, Mags?” asks Four bluntly.

Six looks up at Five again, and sits up. “Um. Basically, I guess, um… We are Abel Runners. It’s like… kind of like joining the army. In the sense that we don’t run for ourselves any more,” she adds quickly, seeing Ten draw another agitated breath to interrupt. “And I for one, heh, am  _ extremely _ glad of that. It  _ sucked _ being alone. But we did have to give up our… choice of direction, when we became Runners with a capital R. We run for Abel, we represent Abel, and Abel takes care of us. And it’s… ninety-nine percent of the time it doesn’t matter. But…”

“You mean like when Sam and Jenny end up fighting over what to do in your ear, with ten zoms on your tail and fifteen more incoming?”

“Sort of,” says Six awkwardly.

Five speaks up. “Don’t worry Six. What she means is, how virtuous is it to knowingly wear a dead New Canton Runner’s headset, for your own benefit, knowing you make the dead Runner show up on their comms as alive and running?”

Six adds instantly, “It’s for the benefit of literally everyone in Abel, Five. This was never only just you. It’s not your decision, but you’re doing it because that’s what… well, I guess that’s what is right for Abel.”

“This  _ is _ about New Canton,” says Four.

“The emotional distress of a few people doesn’t outweigh the lives of an entire township, Five,” says Seven calmly. “I’m sure New Canton would do the same, if they had such an opportunity.”

“I don’t even want to think about that,” says Five quickly.

“Ah… You’re right, I’m sorry, that was a badly-chosen comparison.”

“But that’s not the purpose of using that headset,” returns Ten. “That’s not your  _ intention  _ when you run with it, to cause emotional distress. It’s just a side-effect.”

“It’s only ever Five who runs with it,” observes Four. “Like Janine knows it’s a dodgy subject.”

“And I can tell you, Five, they would. They would definitely do the same thing,” adds Ten, looking Five in the eye. “If it makes you feel any better. If I got bitten tomorrow and left my headset to one of their runners, they would definitely be using it, knowing that you would all think I might be still alive.”

“Please don’t say stuff like that,” says Four.

“How does this leave your ethical dilemma then, Chris?”

“Sorry what?”

“How does–”

“But it doesn’t  _ matter _ about the intention,” says Six, forceful enough to make Three release his line of thought. “The person we’re wronging doesn’t care that we don’t  _ mean _ to trick her, or that we’re doing it for the good of everyone here. The effect on her is all that is important. That’s what she feels. Maybe she’s in touch with her heart, trying to be virtuous and good, maybe her feelings for that Runner are all that’s keeping her going–”

“I’m not sure how this is helping, Six,” says Seven, quiet as ever but interrupting firmly as Ten opens his mouth again. “Look. We can sit around and philosophise all we like, but what it comes down to, and what I don’t think anyone here would disagree with, is that we must do what we can to survive. And once we have that, then we can try to be good people while we do it. Fundamentally, the biggest disservice we can do to humanity is to let ourselves get killed because we didn’t try hard enough to survive.”

“It’s a pretty little problem,” says Ten lightly, in the pause that follows.

“And one that doesn’t have a right or wrong answer,” adds Seven, looking at Six and Ten in turn. “And I know everyone here trusts Janine and Sam with their lives.”

There’s general movement as everyone nods. 

Ten adds, “And, as it turns out, we do have good reason to have half an ear on New Canton’s transmissions. Nadia is completely fine with the idea of raiding Abel. I doubt she is asking herself as many questions about it as we are.”

“... Yeah that’s true,” admits Six. “But it still feels weird.”

“Wait,” says Four suddenly. “I’ve just remembered. Five, didn’t that Runner like  _ specifically _ tell you to use his headset? He didn’t tell you to give it back, he told you to  _ use _ it.”

Five thinks about it, and winces. “I think he did, yeah. It’s… a bit hard to remember clearly.”

“Well there you go!”

“That is a good point, Jody,” says Ten.

“But we should  _ tell _ them somehow,” says Six wildly. “I don’t know, I just feel awful knowing we’re tricking someone over something so important. No Five it’s  _ not _ your fault. It’s no one’s fault. It’s just the whole situation just…  _ sucks _ .”

“Welcome the apocalypse,” says Four dryly.

“Barrel of laughs, you lot,” interjects Three. “I believe we were only allowed this bottle off Maxine because Sam convinced Janine that we needed to relax and have some fun. So let’s get to it! Wouldn’t want to let them down them. Can we just drink to Abel Township and play Spin The Bottle again, or something?”

Ten grabs the whiskey off him with a speed no one had anticipated, and raises it. “To overthinking everything, with good friends. May there be more of that, everywhere.”


End file.
